Worst Day Yet?

I will have to make this quick, because my wonderful roadrunner high speed internet is going in & out NON-STOP today. Its so nice! I woke up this morning (had HCG shot #2 last night) and feel like I am 6 months pregnant, I am so bloated. I have gas pains. Not really shortness of breath, just that "I am 6 months pregnant and my baby etc is pressing against my diaphragm so its hard to breathe feeling"...you know? I feel like crap. Good thing is, no weight gain...I have been checking daily. I would like to just lie in bed all day. I had been planning to run to the store...I haven't been anywhere since Friday, but am not sure I should go. I just don't feel well. But we need things and I am out of prenatal vitamins. Luckily, Peyton woke up early but then fell back to sleep...he just now re-woke up. We are about to head downstairs for a "brunch" of scrambled eggs & turkey bacon. Maybe the protein in the eggs will help me out. It has to be the HCG...I felt horrible on Saturday morning too...again, the day after I had that shot. I pray this is all a "good" sign, but its probably too early for that & besides, it's probably just par for the course. I better start feeling a lot better than this or I will be in trouble this weekend at work. Not to mention Thursday night when the in-laws come for hubby's birthday dinner. Or Friday when my mom arrives for the weekend. (none of them know about the IVF....)

One on Ice

The embryologist just called. She sounded very somber so I just knew that none of the 3 remaining embryos made it to freeze. However, she did say that they were able to freeze one Blastocyst yesterday. (the other two stopped dividing she said). I hope and pray that the 2 in me didn't stop grwoing and dividing too. They were the better looking of the 5, so hopefully at least one of them is still alive....

2dp3dt

That is today's official title...I am 2 days past a 3 day transfer. Up until now, IVF has actually been pretty easy. It really has. I felt like all the stuff I had read about how hard it is emotionally and physically was all...well....a tad bit exaggerated. I mean, sure...filling yourself up with multiple hormones daily for 2 weeks does cause some moodiness and other minor side effects...for me, it was extreme exhaustion....but it was tolerable. Hubby & I only had one huge blow-out fight while I was "high" on the hormones, LOL! I did sometimes feel like it was so unfair that I had to go through all of this crap to just have a 50% shot at getting pregnant, when I can recall vividly back to age 19 1/2 where I became pregnant after a one-time birth control failure, how I cried in my closet wishing that I wasn't pregnant....I will spare you the details. Point is, I am jealous of all the women who just say "I wanna get pregnant" and well, they do and of the ones who don't want to be pregnant & are. My co-worker was telling me about another co-worker of ours who is pregnant & due anytime now. She is a year older than me, and to be honest, pregnancy aside, I have never cared for her. She has never been a very nice person. When I first met her in Feb 2008, I was about 10 weeks pregnant. I recall her asking me how old I was & I told her...she said "oh good! I am a yr older than you & my husband & I want to try for one more baby eventually" Ok, whatever. I lost my pregnancy 3 weeks later, and several months down the road, she became pregnant. No big deal. Sure, in my mind once or twice I may have thought "why her? Why not me? She is mean & rude!" LOL! But I never am unhappy to see anyone get pregnant if that is what they want. So fast forward to now, I am in the middle of IVF and apparently this girl knows I am doing IVF...she told my co-worker "I hope that Karen is not angry and bitter when she sees me pregnant and I am older than her, and she is having to resort to IVF"....something along those lines. Hmmmm...... I don't know. I don't want pity. I don't want commentary. I don't know what to think. I guess I am rambling. I am going stir-crazy lying in bed and on the couch, my back hurts from lying down so much, I am bored, my mind is wandering to bad thoughts....like "this won't work", "how ridiculous am I to think that I will get a BFP". I feel very sore now physically, weak, tired, bloated, not very hungry, blah. And I am worried if it is a BFN, I will just get worse. I will want to crawl into bed into a ball and waste away. This part of the IVF is where the "hard" part comes in. The waiting. The doubting. The trying to be optimistic but yet not too optimistic so that you jinx yourself & ensure a BFN. You know? On one of the IVF boards I go to, two girls have so far gotten positive pregnancy tests, one has been negative. I don't think I am forgetting anyone.... I am trying so hard not to automatically put myself in the BFN category, but its so hard today.

Who would've thought.....

that bedrest sucks!?? Especially so for me...I am always on the go, as lazy as I sometimes feel, I really am a mover! Always cleaning, sweeping, doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, planting in the yard, picking up dog poop, feeding the dogs, the list is never ending. I am bored! Plus, I woke up this morning feeling like i have been hit by a truck. I am still bloated, my lower back is hurting (as it sometimes does when I first wake up...thanks to years as a gymnast when I was younger), the progesterone injections I am taking every night make me have to pee a lot, especially at night, AND today my left butt cheek is KILLING me from last night's shot. It hurts sooo bad! I don't know what hubby did! Maybe I just didn't rub the area enough after the injection or maybe its because i had to lie back down afterwards and didn't move around and "work it out" like normal. I feel like after 2 more days of this, I am going to be an atrophied, pathetic vegatable. Ugh!

7:30pm- Ok, got a better picture....

Quick post...from laptop in bed...ET went well. We still had 5 great embies...they put in the best 2 and did assisted hatching. They will call me monday to let me know if we have any to freeze. I am a tad crampy....normal?? I have a picture but no scanner....I will see if hubs can take a pict of the two babes and we can upload it later.
ok...didn't do any fancy picture transferring yet...here is the crappy one i took of our two embies with my cell.....

ET is set for 9/25

The nurse called me bright & early to tell me that my embryo transfer is set for tomorrow at 2pm. I have to be there by 12:30. Hubby will not be able to leave work at all tomorrow, so I am on my own. I was very sad about that, but what can I do? So, thank God my good friend Melissa will take me & drop me off and my other good friend Karen will watch Peyton for me all day & pick me up from the hospital at about 3pm. I am so glad to have them to help me. I owe them big time! I was sad to not get any grades what-so-ever regarding the 5 embryos. I assume there are still 5. The RN just said the lab told her they were doing good. Hmmmm..... Pretty broad statement. I need to just not worry about it. But I was really hoping to hear some grades...everyone on the IVF board always knows their grades of their embryos at this point. Are they "excellent", "good", "poor"....maybe one or 2 "excellent"? How many cells do they each have at this point? Are any growing TOO quickly? Throw me a bone......

Oh, and it's night #3 of progesterone...this better all be worth it in the end...please?????

Sad Fertilization Report

I had high hopes, but this morning as I was getting Peyton out of his carseat at his preschool, the nurse called me with our 1st fert report. Out of the 17 eggs that they retrieved, only 10 were actually mature. She said they injected all ten (so I am assuming that they had to do ICSI, meaning DH's sperm still is poor) and that of those 10, 7 fertilized. However, 2 fizzled out and never grew. So, we now have 5 embryos that are supposedly growing. How well, I have no clue. I do know that she talked about doing a 3 day transfer on Friday, so they obviously do not want to mess around & wait to day 5 with only 5 embryos. Besides, who knows if any will make it to Friday & how good they will be. I must have very poor egg quality. I am sad. I guess all we can do now is pray. I know 5 is better than none......

Seventeen

ER was today at 8:30am...and they retrieved 17 eggs! They will call us in the morning with the initial fertilization report. I am excited and nervous. My Dr. seems pretty confident that we will be able to do a 5 day transfer on Sunday...but I guess tomorrow's report will give us more of an idea. I am really cramping, but other than that, feel ok. Just tired...nothing new there though! DH was thrilled that he didn't have to pay $577 this time when he did his deed...that is awesome!! Also, he was proud...lets just say he thought today's sample looked much better than July's crappy one. Karen Medina is coming over at 7:30 to give me my 1st PIO injection. Fun times!

Egg Retrieval Tomorrow...Yikes!

We have to be there tomorrow at 6:30am for an 8:30am egg retrieval. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight tonight. I am so nervous! What if my eggs all suck? What if none fertilize? What if I get really bad OHSS? What if no embryos make it to transfer? What if IVF doesn't work??? Ok, I need to relax and take one day at a time, I know. I am ready to get the show on the road, I have been soooo exhausted. I know pregnancy = exhaustion, but at least then, I have a really good reason to be exhausted. I took Peyton to preschool today and then came home & slept for an hour and a half. Then, after I picked him up, we came home, and laid in my bed...he watched cartoons, I slept! I slept from 3-4, then Meghan got home & kinda took over & entertained him, while I SLEPT til 5:45...when it was time to go pick up Savannah from cheerleading! I am such a slacker!!! LOL!

Trigger tonight

Just got back from the doctor...there were three 18mm eggs on the right, three 20mm on the left and many, many more on each side that were greater than 10mm. The MD was there & really was just getting enough measurable ones to meet "criteria"....criteria to let me do the trigger, so I guess he just needed at least 4 or 6 eggies that were "ready". I ask about the lining measurement and it was still at 17, which they said was fine. The nurse said anything over 8mm is just "icing on the cake", so that's good. I am waiting for them to call me with my Estrdiol level & instuctions for the trigger. I am guessing it will be tonight between 8pm and midnight.

Exhausted

I.Am.So.Exhausted! I don't know how I will make it. I started feeling a tad bloated yesterday, not too bad, but a little. And a tiny bit sore in the ovary area. I have an U/S in the morning, hopefully good news. This cold is not helping at all. Last night, I was coughing so much that my poor bum stomach muscle started hurting...REALLY BAD! It sucked. I was lucky to fall asleep. Speaking of sleep, I am about to head that way now...after spending 2 hrs in the heat at Savannah's game (they lost) I deserve it!

Almost there....

I went in this morning for another ultrasound and some more bloodwork. The Dr. that will be on-call this weekend popped in & introduced himself and watched my ultrasound, just in case I may be ready to go this weekend I suppose. He was very nice, so that's a plus. My endometrial lining was a "17"! I should have ask, but didn't, but hello! That is THICK! I know they like to see it at least 10mm thick....I wonder if there is such thing as TOO thick? Like, the lil embies will be burrowing & burrowing and get pooped out before they ever actually attach?? I hope not! They didn't look startled at the #, so I guess I need to just google it...LOL! Egg-wise, I have 3 "16's" on each side, and then about 16 on each side that are "greater than" ( > 10mm that is....I think anything over 10mm is significant) and like 10 eggs that are "less than" (less than 10mm I guess). So, if you add up all those numbers, it's a butt load of eggs. More than the antral follicle count. But again, the DR seemed happy & was like "oh, very good response!", and he went on to say that right now it looks like the egg retrieval will be either Monday or Tuesday. So, when I checked out, the RN told me to come back in on Sunday morning at 8am for another U/S. However, on my way home, I stopped at the grocery store & the nurse called me...which made me worry b/c they never call that soon.....the Dr wants me to go in TOMORROW morning at 8am. So, that is better b/c that gives me the possibility of triggering tomorrow night and having the ER on Monday, whereas if I don't go in til Sunday, the earliest I could trigger would be Sunday night for a Tuesday ER. Either way, it's fine I guess. I just don't want to be miserable. My ovaries are already starting to ache a tad today. So, I guess that is it.

Update...I somehow missed the RN's call at 1:30, so she left a voicemail. They now want me to come in on Sunday for my next ultrasound. She said that after reviewing my U/S photos and getting the results of my Estradiol level (which was 1720) my Dr. feels like Sunday will be fine for the next U/S & we will do a Tuesday 9/22 ER. That is my daughter's birthday. So, that is good....now I do not have to worry about Peyton missing preschool on Monday.

We have eggs!

I went in to my Dr's office bright & early this morning & I am happy to report that so far things look good. I have 9 follicles that are already measuring 10 or greater...there were a few in the 10 range, a few in the 11 range and even two or so in the 13 range. The RN who was looking at the ultrasound pictures and report said there were about 30 potential eggs and that I was doing good. They will call me later with today & tomorrow's dosages of the stims. I ask if they really want all 30 to grow and she said they take as many as they can get.......I am still very paranoid about OHSS. So, for now I wait. Hopefully my blood estrogen level is good. I am still feeling very crappy otherwise. My throat is very sore and swollen feeling and when I swallow, the pressure moves up into my ears. I am hoping & praying that it is just allergies. Maybe I should try to get in to see my Primary Care Physician today after I take Peyton to preschool....I don't know. I hate to waste a co-pay for nothing. Plus, waste my potential nap time! The metformin I am taking is giving me occasional diarrhea on top of everything else. Nice!!!!!

Menopur....

I am exhausted and dealing with a sore throat & cough, I believe its allergies, but either way, I am exhausted! I had a very long & busy weekend at work with not much more than 5 hrs of sleep each night. Thank goodness I now have a few weeks to rest up. Today I went in and had my blood drawn & later in the afternoon the nurse called and left me a message saying that everything was good. They scaled back my Gonal F dose from 225 to 150 for today & tomorrow and the Lupron continues at 5 units and we added 75iu of Menopur tonight and tomorrow. I go back in on Wednesday for an ultrasound and bloodwork. Boy, the Menopur STUNG going in! Ouch!!!!

9/11

I cannot believe that it has been 8 years since the attack on the Pentagon & the World Trade Center! It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting in my cubical at GE, gearing up for another day of chatting back & forth via phone & e-mail with my best friend Angie while pretending to do work, when news of planes hitting the World Trade Center began to circulate through the office. I called Jen, my friend who lived in Queens and worked in Manhattan...she had just gotten to work, had just walked into her office building on Pine Street and did not yet even know there was anything going on.

So, fast forward 8 years....here I am jumping through hoops to try to get pregnant. If you had told me that 8 yrs ago, I would have said you were freakin' crazy! But alas....I am. And today is Day ONE of stims...the medications that make the follicles grow & mature. I am nervous, and I have a feeling I will be in for a bumpy, roller coaster-like 10 days or so....I start out with Gonal F at 225 tonight & I still will take the Lupron, but only 5 units instead of 20 units. So, yes, now I am up to 2 shots a night. I will do this tonight, tomorrow & Sunday night. Then on Monday at 7am, I go in for blood work...they check my estradial level to make sure it isn't going too high too fast. It probably will, and I will probably be stressed out and my RE will probably reduce my dose of Gonal F on Monday...she already said that most likely she will scale the dose back on Monday. Ok, I need to breathe......

PCOS

I went in today for my 1st baseline U/S and bloodwork. The Antral follicle count (where they count all the small, immature follicles that are present in each ovary) was 21 on each side....a pretty HIGH number. Too high, even I kinda knew that. Most often, those high #'s are associated with a syndrome called PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Blah! I really do not have any of the other signs or symptoms of it, but all along I think my Dr has been wanting to diagnose me with it. She did today, I just got off the phone with her & she feels like I have a very MILD case of it, but none-the-less, have it and that is why so many follicles. She is calling in a script for a medication called Metformin that I am to start taking today, in hopes that it will create better mature follicles as we continue on in the IVF process this month. She also told me what I already suspected, that I will be at a higher risk for over-stimulation on the meds that will start tomorrow (for now, Gonal F at 225) and they will need to watch me closely & most likely scale back my dose on Monday when I go in again for bloodwork. Other than that, everything is peachy. My labs were good, my FSH level is still low. Somehow I feel a bit uneasy now & worried, despite the fact that she assured me that all was fine... I have always had a nagging feeling that I have nothing but a bunch of sorry, rotten follies.....and now this PCOS crap. Not to mention, the side effects of metformin are nausea & diarrhea....nice!!!!! Thank God tonight & then this Saturday & Sunday are the only days left I have to work until after the Embryo Transfer....or maybe I am getting ahead of myself....hopefully there will be an embryo transfer. I read a post today from a woman on one of the IVF boards who had ZERO embryos make it to transfer. That is majorly depressing. If that happens to me, I will be a complete basket case, they will probably have to haul me off to the looney bin!

First U/S tomorrow....

Today is day #8 on the Lupron (and it's starting to get to me....I am having headaches that feel like a hockey puck is slamming around in my skull, but only when I get up from bed or lean over & then stand back up...so they are manageable) Still on the Doxycycline too. Lo & behold, AF showed up tonight at about 6pm, right on schedule I believe! I am going in to the Dr's office tomorrow morning at 6:30 for my 1st ultrasound to make sure I am good & suppressed and also will have bloodwork done. Then, if all looks good, I will start stims on 9-11.

In other news, Peyton had day #2 of pre-school today. And I got to check off an item from my "to-do" list...I finally finished painting the downstairs bathroom! FINALLY!! Now I am aspiring to get a bunch more stuff done while he's at school.....some scrap-booking pages done, finish painting our stairwell area, paint Savannah's dresser, clean out & reorganize my pantry...oh I've got projects!! LOL!

Day 3 of Lupron

So far, so good! I am on Day 3 of my Lupron injections and I feel fine. This is also day 3 of our Doxycycline. This morning I briefly woke up at 5am to remind hubby to take his AM dose before he headed off to work....he did. But apparently he didn't EAT anything for breakfast and after driving the near hour to work, he felt kinda queezy....and not too long after arriving to his office, he threw up. Well, he said not much came up, just a little clear liquid...so I am hoping the antibiotic stayed put. Oooops! My bad. Should have told poor guy to eat breakfast. Tomorrow is my last day on the BCP's. And then a week from today, if all looks well at the Sept 10th ultrasound & bloodwork, I will start my stims to make the follicles GROW! Ok, I guess that is it. I am off to bed, I work tomorrow & Sunday! Happy Labor Day weekend to me!

Peyton's 1st day of preschool!

So, today was the day...my baby's 1st day of preschool! He looked so grown-up with his backpack on & his little lunchbox! He didn't even shed a tear when we left him at school! I think he had fun! His teacher said he did well "for the 1st day"...Ha ha! This was told to me as she helped him into the car at the car-rider line after school, so I couldn't have her elaborate, but what I think it means is that Peyton was mad at some point because he could not just play all day with the mailbox in the classroom! (Lately this kid is obsessed with mailboxes, no idea why, but once he saw that his classroom had a little tykes one yesterday at the open house, he was all up in there!) We ask him all about his day & what he did...his answer was a cheerful "oh nuthin!" Here are the picts.....(note the mailbox in the 1st picture!!) The outdoor pictures are with hubby & my good friend's son Javier, who also started preschool today!

Lupron starts tomorrow....

9/2/09....I start my Lupron injections!
What is Lupron?

I will take 20 units every night starting tomorrow night. On September 10th I go in for my 1st ultrasound & bloodwork & then on September 11th I will reduce the Lupron to 5 units per day and start on my stims...Gonal F and Menopur, if all is well. I guess at some to be determined date, I will stop the Lupron. But for now, that is where I am.....Lupron!