Thursday, October 8, 2009

Waitng for Beta #2.....

This is the worst torture by far...waiting for #2. I knew #1 would be positive. But this one??? It could have stayed the same...bad news. Or it could have gone down...bad news. Or it could have only gone up a tiny bit....bad news. I am so scared!! I overslept today to make matters worse, so I had to take DS with me to the hospital and didn't get my blood drawn til almost 9am. It looked like I made the morning cut-off though....they added my vial to a big bag full of other vials and the one girl said "should I go ahead and send it now or wait a few more minutes to see if there are any others?" and the girl who drew my blood said "No, go ahead and send it" So, now I wait.........

2:45pm
The nurse called, Beta #2 is a low 86. It is not looking too promising. I go back in on Monday for Beta #3, that will be the final determining factor. I know I need to just hope & pray, but I am crushed and have a really bad feeling. My #'s are so low to begin with. I don't mean to be a big whiny-ass and start a pity party here, but I just feel like the whole world is caving in on me. Any prayers would be welcomed!

9:45pm
I wonder if it's an ectopic pregnancy? I had that spotting on Mon & Tuesday and the abdominal pain yesterday, although it was general, all-over pain, not just on one side or the other, and then tonight some lower back pain and even pain on my left side, but then on the right side too. Who knows? But those ARE signs...light bleeding, abdominal pain, low rising HCG #'s.....I am still incedibly bloated which makes it hard to breathe and hard to eat much, plus my belly looks pregnant. It's all some big cruel trick if I AM losing this pregnancy. I just want my body back if that's the case. I just want to feel normal again if I am not pregnant. I just want to be able to sign up to work a ton of extra days at work if I am not pregnant (and get to feeling normal) so I can make up for my lost wages during all of this. When I thought this was a good pregnancy it didn't matter to me, the lost money was well worth it. But if this is over, well, it was all for nothing and it sucks.

3 comments:

mamscales said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. My last cycle resulted in a chemical pregnancy, but your numbers are much better than mine were so there is certainly hope!

Rachel said...

My thoughts are with you!

Erin said...

((((BIG HUGS)))) I know that it is very hard to think positive when you have gone through so much and trust me I KNOW!!! Try to remember that you ARE pregnant and your numbers came close to doubling which is good. Keep the faith and try to enjoy your weekend!!!

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