Waiting for....

the end? The beginning? I just got back from the hospital where I had Beta #3 drawn. I feel awful. First of all, I am so bloated that NONE of my regular clothes fit me. I had to wear a knit jogging outfit that I bought the day before ET b/c a lot of my jeans at that time felt tight around my then tender abdomen but now even that damn jogging suit looks tight. I look 6 mos pregnant, it is such a cruel joke. I am pretty much a mess. I have wanted to cry all morning but would not let myself. One, b/c I didn't want to look like a fool at the hospital, two because I knew I had to take Peyton to Preschool later this morning (which now I am re-thinking), and three just because its dumb to cry w/o knowing the results. I thought about whether I should answer the phone when the nurse calls or just let it go to my voicemail. Hmmm...I had pretty much decided on voicemail, but then realized if I did that, they probably would not give me the actual Beta #, they would just say "good news" or "bad news". I always have had to ask them for the specific Beta #....its like they guard it with their lives. Although, if its bad news, I hate to be on the phone b/c I know I will not be able to speak for all of the tears and hyperventilating I will be spontaneously doing. Then I will probably not hear anything else they say, squeak out an "ok" & hang up. But, if by some miracle it is not bad news, well I need to speak to the nurse because I used the absolute last of my progesterone in oil last night for my injection. I have no more, not a drop. It felt like that was a bad sign last night, that I ran out, like God knew I would not be needing anymore. But, if it is a miracle today, I need a refill on the script.....I don't know if progesterone in oil is readily available anywhere, hopefully it is at the hospital pharmacy. But I am getting WAYYYY ahead of myself. I tried to wake Peyton up when I got home & he told me he was very sleepy...poor guy. He went to grandma & grandpa's house in the mountains this weekend. I think I kinda decided then & there that he could skip preschool today....one, b/c he is tired, two because it is supposed to storm really bad here soon and three I can now just mope around here & let the tears flow and wait for the dreaded call. Plus, I don't have to go up in his preschool looking sad and 6 mos pregnant.

UPDATE
I got the call from Libby the nurse at 10:57am. I was lying in bed trying to sleep while Peyton watched cartoons. I had a glimmer of hope that she was calling early because it was good news....and it was!!! I cannot even remember what exactly she said...but my Beta was 357!!! 357! My U/S is October 29th at 9am. I hang up & texted several of my close friends the news...and then I just sat and cried like a baby! I cried and cried. I am an idiot, I know.....I am in shock. (that's why I didn't answer your call Angie!!)