Thursday, October 1, 2009


Hard day today again...this time emotionally, not physically. I am still bloated and have heartburn and am tired, but now the whole doubting and 2WW crap is seeping in and driving me crazy, literally. (Physically I started feeling a lot better yesterday) I had an HCG shot on Monday night, 2500 units. From what I researched, the body metabolizes out about 1000 units per day. I did an HPT yesterday afternoon(I was near the dollar store so I bought a few......ok, 4. And then 4 more today) and it was a faint line, as I expected. The HCG was still in my system. I got the hair-brained idea to test everyday until the HCG was gone & just assumed that then it would start to darken again & I'd have my BFP and live happily ever after. I woke up at 5:45am this morning and as usual, was dying to pee. So, I POAS again. I totally expected to see maybe a faint line still, but it was blank. Nothing. Whiteness. Blinding. OK, ok...calm down you say. I know its early, I know I should be happy to know that the hcg is gone, so any lines I see now are real. But now I am petrified that there will be no more lines. I don't know how I will ever get through this if it doesn't work. I laid back down in bed at 5:50am and couldn't fall back to sleep. I just cried. And today is hubby's birthday, he had the day off. I got him a massage and he was in heaven. I feel so bad that I looked so sad and down today. I tried hard to cover it.


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