Worst Day Yet?

I will have to make this quick, because my wonderful roadrunner high speed internet is going in & out NON-STOP today. Its so nice! I woke up this morning (had HCG shot #2 last night) and feel like I am 6 months pregnant, I am so bloated. I have gas pains. Not really shortness of breath, just that "I am 6 months pregnant and my baby etc is pressing against my diaphragm so its hard to breathe feeling"...you know? I feel like crap. Good thing is, no weight gain...I have been checking daily. I would like to just lie in bed all day. I had been planning to run to the store...I haven't been anywhere since Friday, but am not sure I should go. I just don't feel well. But we need things and I am out of prenatal vitamins. Luckily, Peyton woke up early but then fell back to sleep...he just now re-woke up. We are about to head downstairs for a "brunch" of scrambled eggs & turkey bacon. Maybe the protein in the eggs will help me out. It has to be the HCG...I felt horrible on Saturday morning too...again, the day after I had that shot. I pray this is all a "good" sign, but its probably too early for that & besides, it's probably just par for the course. I better start feeling a lot better than this or I will be in trouble this weekend at work. Not to mention Thursday night when the in-laws come for hubby's birthday dinner. Or Friday when my mom arrives for the weekend. (none of them know about the IVF....)

One on Ice

The embryologist just called. She sounded very somber so I just knew that none of the 3 remaining embryos made it to freeze. However, she did say that they were able to freeze one Blastocyst yesterday. (the other two stopped dividing she said). I hope and pray that the 2 in me didn't stop grwoing and dividing too. They were the better looking of the 5, so hopefully at least one of them is still alive....

2dp3dt

That is today's official title...I am 2 days past a 3 day transfer. Up until now, IVF has actually been pretty easy. It really has. I felt like all the stuff I had read about how hard it is emotionally and physically was all...well....a tad bit exaggerated. I mean, sure...filling yourself up with multiple hormones daily for 2 weeks does cause some moodiness and other minor side effects...for me, it was extreme exhaustion....but it was tolerable. Hubby & I only had one huge blow-out fight while I was "high" on the hormones, LOL! I did sometimes feel like it was so unfair that I had to go through all of this crap to just have a 50% shot at getting pregnant, when I can recall vividly back to age 19 1/2 where I became pregnant after a one-time birth control failure, how I cried in my closet wishing that I wasn't pregnant....I will spare you the details. Point is, I am jealous of all the women who just say "I wanna get pregnant" and well, they do and of the ones who don't want to be pregnant & are. My co-worker was telling me about another co-worker of ours who is pregnant & due anytime now. She is a year older than me, and to be honest, pregnancy aside, I have never cared for her. She has never been a very nice person. When I first met her in Feb 2008, I was about 10 weeks pregnant. I recall her asking me how old I was & I told her...she said "oh good! I am a yr older than you & my husband & I want to try for one more baby eventually" Ok, whatever. I lost my pregnancy 3 weeks later, and several months down the road, she became pregnant. No big deal. Sure, in my mind once or twice I may have thought "why her? Why not me? She is mean & rude!" LOL! But I never am unhappy to see anyone get pregnant if that is what they want. So fast forward to now, I am in the middle of IVF and apparently this girl knows I am doing IVF...she told my co-worker "I hope that Karen is not angry and bitter when she sees me pregnant and I am older than her, and she is having to resort to IVF"....something along those lines. Hmmmm...... I don't know. I don't want pity. I don't want commentary. I don't know what to think. I guess I am rambling. I am going stir-crazy lying in bed and on the couch, my back hurts from lying down so much, I am bored, my mind is wandering to bad thoughts....like "this won't work", "how ridiculous am I to think that I will get a BFP". I feel very sore now physically, weak, tired, bloated, not very hungry, blah. And I am worried if it is a BFN, I will just get worse. I will want to crawl into bed into a ball and waste away. This part of the IVF is where the "hard" part comes in. The waiting. The doubting. The trying to be optimistic but yet not too optimistic so that you jinx yourself & ensure a BFN. You know? On one of the IVF boards I go to, two girls have so far gotten positive pregnancy tests, one has been negative. I don't think I am forgetting anyone.... I am trying so hard not to automatically put myself in the BFN category, but its so hard today.

Who would've thought.....

that bedrest sucks!?? Especially so for me...I am always on the go, as lazy as I sometimes feel, I really am a mover! Always cleaning, sweeping, doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, planting in the yard, picking up dog poop, feeding the dogs, the list is never ending. I am bored! Plus, I woke up this morning feeling like i have been hit by a truck. I am still bloated, my lower back is hurting (as it sometimes does when I first wake up...thanks to years as a gymnast when I was younger), the progesterone injections I am taking every night make me have to pee a lot, especially at night, AND today my left butt cheek is KILLING me from last night's shot. It hurts sooo bad! I don't know what hubby did! Maybe I just didn't rub the area enough after the injection or maybe its because i had to lie back down afterwards and didn't move around and "work it out" like normal. I feel like after 2 more days of this, I am going to be an atrophied, pathetic vegatable. Ugh!

7:30pm- Ok, got a better picture....

Quick post...from laptop in bed...ET went well. We still had 5 great embies...they put in the best 2 and did assisted hatching. They will call me monday to let me know if we have any to freeze. I am a tad crampy....normal?? I have a picture but no scanner....I will see if hubs can take a pict of the two babes and we can upload it later.
ok...didn't do any fancy picture transferring yet...here is the crappy one i took of our two embies with my cell.....

ET is set for 9/25

The nurse called me bright & early to tell me that my embryo transfer is set for tomorrow at 2pm. I have to be there by 12:30. Hubby will not be able to leave work at all tomorrow, so I am on my own. I was very sad about that, but what can I do? So, thank God my good friend Melissa will take me & drop me off and my other good friend Karen will watch Peyton for me all day & pick me up from the hospital at about 3pm. I am so glad to have them to help me. I owe them big time! I was sad to not get any grades what-so-ever regarding the 5 embryos. I assume there are still 5. The RN just said the lab told her they were doing good. Hmmmm..... Pretty broad statement. I need to just not worry about it. But I was really hoping to hear some grades...everyone on the IVF board always knows their grades of their embryos at this point. Are they "excellent", "good", "poor"....maybe one or 2 "excellent"? How many cells do they each have at this point? Are any growing TOO quickly? Throw me a bone......

Oh, and it's night #3 of progesterone...this better all be worth it in the end...please?????

Sad Fertilization Report

I had high hopes, but this morning as I was getting Peyton out of his carseat at his preschool, the nurse called me with our 1st fert report. Out of the 17 eggs that they retrieved, only 10 were actually mature. She said they injected all ten (so I am assuming that they had to do ICSI, meaning DH's sperm still is poor) and that of those 10, 7 fertilized. However, 2 fizzled out and never grew. So, we now have 5 embryos that are supposedly growing. How well, I have no clue. I do know that she talked about doing a 3 day transfer on Friday, so they obviously do not want to mess around & wait to day 5 with only 5 embryos. Besides, who knows if any will make it to Friday & how good they will be. I must have very poor egg quality. I am sad. I guess all we can do now is pray. I know 5 is better than none......